Food For Thought
by marble eyes
Summary: When Cheryl makes a comment about Brendan's first impressions of Ste's food, chaos descends over their quiet dinner party.


**Just an extremely silly, crazy, not to be taken seriously one-shot :)**

Cheryl Brady had made many mistakes in life; she was in no doubt of that. Once when she was at school she'd fallen over in a mini-skirt and flashed her knickers at a group of lads she was trying to impress. Another time she'd got drunk and vomited all over the shoes of her new boyfriend's Dad. But none of these embarrassing moments compared to what she had just done. As Ste Hay glared at Brendan across the table with a look that could strike a man down, Cheryl knew that it was her own fault.

The evening had been going so well. Ste had invited Nate and herself round for a delicious meal to celebrate their relationships. Brendan of course had been his usual brooding self and only seemed to warm to the idea after he'd got a glance of the raw ingredients that Ste had placed inside the shopping trolley. Even Cheryl had been impressed when Ste had told her what they were having: fancy brochettes to start, steak for the main and home-made chocolate mouse to finish.

Nate had sat through the starter smiling at Ste, complimenting his cooking and just being a complete gentleman. Cheryl on the other hand had started on the wine as soon as she stepped through the door, something she'd regret later on. She'd practically starved herself in preparation for Ste's meal the whole day, which meant there was absolutely nothing to absorb the alcohol. It was after her fifth glass of wine and half way through the starter that Cheryl made the massive mistake.

'Hey Bren,' said Cheryl, trying not to slur her words. 'Remember when you and Ste first met?'

The memory of it seemed to make Brendan smile slightly. 'How could I forget Chez? He hasn't left me alone ever since.'

Ste chewed his lip thoughtfully. 'Wasn't that when I catered for that Chez Chez event? Tony sacked me because of that.'

'But Brendan hired you and look how well that turned out!' Cheryl threw her hands into the air and her fork went flying.

'I must have made a proper good first impression.' said Ste, sharing a secret smile with Brendan.

'Must have been your delicious food.' added Nate.

Brendan smirked. 'That amongst other things...'

Ste let out his donkey laugh, standing up to go fetch more wine from the kitchen. He smacked the back of his own bottom when he noticed Brendan watching him.

'Actually.' said Cheryl loudly to Nate. 'The two of them getting together is really down to me, if you think about it. Brendan didn't used to like Ste's food; in fact he tried to talk me out of hiring him for the catering of that event. Think how different things could have been if I'd listened to him. What was it you said Bren that they looked 'rubbish' to you?'

Nate let out a loud cough, trying to signal to Cheryl that Ste was stood in the door way. He didn't look like he was very happy at all.

'What's this?' asked Ste. 'You didn't used to like my food?' he'd seemingly forgot about their first encounter.

Cheryl began to frantically nod her head, the drunken part of herself not realising the implications of what she was saying. 'He said a trained monkey could have done a better job.'

'Cheryl!' said Nate, trying to stop her.

'He said your presentation looked as if some bloke had raided the bins behind a supermarket and threw what he'd found on a load of plates.' she let out a giggle. 'Do you reckon people actually do that?'

Ste slammed the wine down onto the table. 'I'll be in the kitchen.'

'Thanks for that Chez.' growled Brendan, unsure on whether to follow Ste into the kitchen.

'I'd leave him for a second.' said Nate, as Brendan went to stand up.

From the kitchen all that could be heard was the banging of cupboards and the sounds of plates crashing together. The sound of the cutlery draw being opened and slammed shut caused Brendan to sit down again.

'Did I say something wrong?' asked Cheryl, oblivious to the tension she'd caused.

'No Chez, all you've done is drop a ten ton elephant in the room - that's all.' answered Brendan through gritted teeth.

Cheryl stuck her head under the table, expecting to see an elephant underneath. 'I can't see it.' She tried to sit up but banged her head on the table. 'Ow!'

Ste swept back into the room, carrying four purple Fruit Shoot bottles. He placed them down in front of each of them and swept out again. Nate looked down at the bottle, unsure on if he should drink it out of politeness.

'Steven,' said Brendan loudly. 'Aren't these supposed to be for Leah's packed lunch?'

Ste swept back into the room, his eyes flashing. He was carrying four bowls on a tray. 'Yeah, but I didn't trust myself to pour you all new drinks. I might spill the wine, see as I'm incapable.'

'I didn't say you were incapable Steven.' said Brendan quietly.

Nate looked longingly at his coat, wishing he could somehow leave.

'Actually,' said Cheryl downing her sixth glass of wine. 'He said you were a feckless barman once.'

Nate shuffled low into his seat, trying to ignore the icy expression on Ste's face.

'It's all coming out now, ain't it Brendan?' said Ste. He picked up one of the bowls and slammed it down in front of Brendan. 'I've changed the main course, hope you don't mind. I've made something that's more to my capabilities.'

Nate glanced down as one of the bowls was placed in front of him. Instead of steak with pan-fried potatoes and garden vegetables, they were now having...Coco pops.

'Ohw!' exclaimed Cheryl. 'My favourite cereal.' she eagerly began to dig into her bowl with a fork.

Brendan glanced down at the bowl in front of him, his expression darkening. 'Where's the steak Steven?'

'Didn't feel like cooking it.' answered Ste. 'don't you like Coco Pops Bren? They're Leah's favourites you know? And mine too; I just love how they turn the milk brown. I found them in the Price-Slice bin at the back of the shop, hope that doesn't put you off them.'

'I like the monkey.' giggled Cheryl. 'Did you get a free toy?'

Nate yet again glanced at his coat, before letting out a long sigh. His mother had never let him have Coco Pops growing up; he supposed that he should be thankful that he finally had a chance to try them. He pushed his spoon into the bowl and forced it into his mouth, it seemed the cereal had gone soggy.

'I didn't get a toy, but I found a free rat inside the box.' answered Ste, his eyes fixed on Brendan. 'But I've come to expect it each time I go searching through supermarket bins.'

Nate set his spoon down, no longer feeling hungry. The Coco pops had been soggy any way. He glanced over at Brendan, who seemed to be forcing spoonfuls of the cereal into his mouth with a furious intensity. 'Delicious.' said Nate charmingly, wishing he'd stayed home or faked illness. Why was he thinking about proposing to Cheryl again?

Ste started to collect up the bowls, it was probably a good thing as Cheryl was lifting her spoon full of milk into the air and pouring it back into the bowl giggling.

'How was that Bren?' asked Ste innocently.

'Delicious Steven, it almost tasted as good as the mud in the garden.' Brendan answered.

Nate raised an eyebrow at Brendan when Ste disappeared out the room again. 'How do you know what mud tastes like?'

Brendan raised his eyes to the ceiling. 'Leah made mud-cakes, it's a long story.'

Nate was beginning to think everything that involved the Brady's was a long story. He glanced at Cheryl who was now sucking the milky wet patches on the table cloth. Sometimes he thought it would be easier if he was gay, but looking at Ste and Brendan made life seem just as hard. Maybe he could join a monastery and become a monk; he bet they wouldn't make him eat stale, soggy, out of a bin Coco Pops.

'Here's dessert!' said Ste cheerfully; he came back into the room carrying plastic tubes. He passed them around and yet again his eyes went straight back to Brendan to see his reaction.

Nate looked down at the cool tube in his hand, wondering what the hell a Frube was. He glanced at Cheryl who was tearing the top off of hers.

'Does this remind you of anything?' she purred drunkenly. She pushed the long tube to her lips, making a loud and over exaggerated sucking noise. No one could have predicted that at that moment that the tube would explode. Cheryl let out a shocked gasp as white yogurt splattered all over her face.

'Steven.' said Brendan through gritted teeth. 'If I didn't think you could cook then why would I buy you an eighty thousand pound deli and practically come in every day to eat?'

'So you could piss Doug off.' answered Ste.

Brendan stood up and placed down the tube of yogurt, seeming to have had enough of the situation. 'Come into the bedroom for a second, I'm going to tell you exactly what I thought when I first met you.'

Ste let out a sigh and followed him into one of the nearby rooms. Nate glanced at Cheryl; her yogurt covered face was pressed onto the table and she was snoring loudly like a pig. About a minute later Nate heard a banging noise and he immediately stood up ready to investigate if the two men were okay. For a moment he wondered if they were murdering each other. The banging continued and this time he heard a throaty moan. Nate felt his cheeks flushing red; he glanced down at Cheryl and knew he wouldn't be able to move her.

As the noise and banging got louder and even more rhythmic, Nate knew there was only one thing for it. He went into the kitchen and began to rummage through the fridge; he almost let out an excited squeal when he found what he was looking for. He pulled out the big bowl of home made chocolate moose and placed it onto the counter, drool beginning to form at the corners of his lips. He picked up a wooden cooking spoon and began to shovel the chocolaty heaven into his mouth, perhaps this wasn't such a bad night after all.


End file.
